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Submitted on
August 9
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I would like to thank everyone who has helped me with your kind words. I love you all, and appreciate your help.. sadly it isn't helping anymore. I am completely done with everything, I got my blade in one hand, and a bloody toilet paper in another. These past few days I have been feeling horrible.

A few days ago, my "girlfriend's" mother made us take a break due to irrational reasons. We still talked through ask.fm.. but I have made some careless mistakes which made my "girlfriend" mad and now we are having a real break. This made me severely depressed when I read this, I cried in the bathroom for 2 hours due to me being so emotionally unstable. I cried to the point where I was puking in the sink. The next day wasn't any better.

I now found out that she is now confused of her feelings for me. She doesn't know if she loves me and when I asked her friend if she can ask if she does love me, truly... No response. Here I am, my leg is all fucked up, my wrists all bloody in the bathroom crying. Both my palms are rusty due to the blood drying. She also said I wasn't suicidal since I always nagged on and on to my friends that I was going to kill myself but never did.. and other stuff.. I'm sorry for everything.

I have decided to bleed out, I don't have a gun or a bridge near by so I can't do any of those. I love  you all, and please don't do I'm trying to do.. I don't know if I'll make through this.. I hope I don't. I'm typing this through my phone.. because I still have to clean up.. I love all of you and thank you all for your support.

I would like to clarify that she isn't the only reason why I'm doing this... There are thousands of other reasons as to why I am attempting to kill myself tonight. Stay strong and don't do what I did/tried.

Edit: I'm sad to say that I'm still here. I couldn't cut deep enough to hit a vein.. I'm not strong enough to cut as deep as I want, no matter how hard I tried.. guess I'm going to be wearing long sleeves for a while.. even though I only have two... still debating if I should take this down or no.. I don't care anymore.

I have this.. "pain" in my chest that's just sitting there.. I've had this ever since I woke up today. The pain is getting worse and worse.. it's becoming harder and harder to live. I.. I don't think I can do this anymore.
Goodbye everyone.. If I succeed.
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:iconditzyblonde-e:
DitzyBlonde-E Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2014  Hobbyist
I'm glad you're still alive. Really, seeing the title of this scared me.
Because you are alive there is always a chance to build your life better. Being depressed doesn't help much with that mindset though, trust me I know. It sounds like you went through a lot in a short time period so I can understand how that pushed you over the edge, but now you need time to heal. Not just physically but emotionally as well.

Take some time for yourself and do what you love. You may need to let the waters calm after this storm before you can move forward.
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:iconthattransman:
ThatTransMan Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks, lately I've been feeling a lot better than before :)
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:iconditzyblonde-e:
DitzyBlonde-E Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist
Thank goodness, I'm glad you're feeling better. :aww:
It's nice to see someone healing after an incident like that. You are very strong to be able to accomplish that, and I hope it keeps up. 
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:iconthattransman:
ThatTransMan Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist
Yeah, it was pretty bad.. but I'm slowly recovering from it :) thanks for the support
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:iconditzyblonde-e:
DitzyBlonde-E Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist
I'm glad to hear it.
You are most welcome. I will always be there to support those who need it.
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:iconthattransman:
ThatTransMan Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist
^~^
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:iconugly0is0beautiful:
Ugly0Is0Beautiful Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014
I know where you're coming from, brother. I hope things get better for you, but I think we both understand that sometimes that's a hard battle to fight. You have plenty of people here willing to talk if you need it, and of course that goes for me, too. I'm not on often, but I do like to talk.

I'm sorry you have to go through this stuff, and I wish I had better things to say, but... Sometimes words don't really mean much, you know?

Best of luck, in life and love, or--heaven forbid--the lack thereof.
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:iconthattransman:
ThatTransMan Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2014  Hobbyist
Thanks :)
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:iconari-heart-matsuri:
Ari-Heart-Matsuri Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
And by the way, if you want me to talk/help through notes, I have no life practically, so I'm always there for you. Always. Like properly forever, until I die. Or until I get banned from dA :P But please, stay alive.
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:iconari-heart-matsuri:
Ari-Heart-Matsuri Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Please don't! I know we don't really know each other, but I want the chance to know you! I know it's hard [life] but if you want something to live for, live for all the friends you'll never have if you die. Live for all the beauty in the world! Live for the people you could help, for the people who could help you, for the people who care! AND I CARE! Please reconsider... or run away. Running away is the same as killing yourself, in a way. You could change your name and become someone different, even someone strong if you want. You can be anything, but not dead. Not yet. 
Please please don't die.
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